Tuesday, 2 November 2010

What men want as much as sex in relationships

Stephen Fry, a previous beacon of wit, charm, and intelligence has got himself into hot water for daring to broach the subject of female sexuality in gay lifestyle magazine Attitude.
He may or may not have said that women are not as hot on sex as men and see it as the price they pay for a relationship with a man.
Television polymath Fry, a gay man, is reported in the magazine as saying "If women liked sex as much as men, there would be straight cruising areas in the way there are gay cruising areas."
A frivolous response is to ask with whom heterosexual young men have been having one night stands when they go out on the pull?
More seriously Fry should consider biological imperatives that make women more cautious about whom they have sex with.
Men have countless sperm; women have finite eggs. Evolution has hot-wired women – yes, of course this is a crude generalisation – to seek out the best genes in potential fathers.
I would suggest such natural selection couldn’t be conducted with any degree of efficiency by the light of a mobile phone behind a bush on Hampstead Heath.
I found a contribution by writer Julie Burchill in her Independent column last week provided a much more relevant insight in relations between the sexes.
She wrote: “When will women ever learn that what men want is someone who is (her capitals) FUN TO BE WITH? If you want to find love, just stop being a bore; everything else is just window dressing.”
To my mind this judgement goes to the heart of the matter deeper than the whole of Laura Doyle’s concept of The Surrendered Wife, which as I understand it advocates not that women be doormats but rather give up trying to change their men.
Burchill’s observation can be applied to the bedroom where the first signs of a relationship under stress are likely to show.
I’ve seen it said that women would do well never to refuse their men sex even when they don’t feel like it. There is something to be said for the view you have to get the canoe in the water before you both can start paddling.
But Burchill’s approach allows a husband’s nookie suggestion to be turned down without leaving him feeling rejected.
It is to be hoped despite the passing of the years the FUN will remain even when the sex might have gone.

1 comment:

  1. Hey GC. It might have been Julie Burchill herself or another press commentator, I read, [says Jaffa], who wrote that perhaps women did not want to have sex with or would not enjoy having sex with him, [ie Stephen Fry]. So perhaps that is all that can be laid at their door. [please excuse the pun].

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What do you think? GC